You’re Confused, It’s Just a Phase


“You’re just confused.” “I think you’re just experimenting.”It has to be a phase.”

These are some of the comments I received when I came out as bisexual. It was pretty invalidating and just overall annoying to keep hearing these things said from my loved ones. I know who I am better than anyone and I do not need anyone to dictate to me who they “think ” I am. I know this much, I am bisexual and proud.

What is bisexuality? I think bisexual activist, Robyn Ochs, said it best when she defined bisexuality as “…[acknowledging] that I have in myself the potential to be attracted–romantically and/or sexually–to people of more than one sex, and/or gender, not necessarily at the same time, not necessarily in the same way, and not necessarily to the same degree.”

Being bisexual does not mean you are half attracted to men and half attracted to women. You could say that you are 10% attracted to men and 90% attracted to women, or whatever way you want to define your bisexuality. Being bisexual does not mean you have to be in a relationship, sexual or otherwise, to know whether you are bisexual or not. Bisexuality is not defined by who you have been with. Being bisexual does not mean you are confused or experimenting. Just because you are not gay or straight does not mean you are somehow in the middle, you are simply bisexual and that is okay.

I define my bisexuality as little bursts of happiness, finding and loving myself, loving people for who they are regardless of their gender identity, poems written about beautiful girls, googly eyes at beautiful guys, coming out on my own terms, and being completely proud and sure of who I am.

-By Ayanna Bates: Author, writer, blogger, motivational speaker from NY



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