Finding my way Through Recovery


As a mental health advocate, I love sharing my story; I think being open about your struggles is such a powerful tool and it could save lives. So today I share with you my recovery from disordered eating.
First off, what is disordered eating and how does it differ from a full blown eating disorder? The main difference between an eating disorder and disordered eating is the severity and the frequency of symptoms. Here are some of the symptoms described on

Symptoms of disordered eating may include behavior commonly associated with eating disorders, such as food restriction, binge eating, purging (via self-induced vomiting or excessive exercise, and use of diet pills and/ or laxatives).  However, disordered eating might also include:
  • Self-worth or self-esteem based highly or even exclusively on body shape and weight
  • A disturbance in the way one experiences their body i.e. a person who falls in a healthy weight range but continues to feel that they are overweight
  • Excessive or rigid exercise routine
  • Obsessive calorie counting
  • Anxiety about certain foods or food groups
  • A rigid approach to eating, such as only eating certain foods, inflexible meal times, refusal to eat in restaurants or outside of one’s own home
I started exhibiting symptoms of disordered eating my senior year of high school. It was my self-destructive way of dealing with depression and anxiety. I would restrict all day and every day, avoiding as many meals as possible. I would swallow my dinner quickly because it was the only meal I ate with my family and I did not want them to suspect anything. The hardest part about disordered eating is being able to talk about it. As a black woman struggling with disordered eating, people don’t really want to hear about it. Some people refused to take the time to understand what I was going through.
This made it easier to hide my disordered eating from all of loved ones. It wasn’t until I had a major break down at school, crying my eyes out, mumbling through my tears, “I just don’t want to be here anymore,” that I sought help. In my head, I thought I could just starve myself until I disappeared but in reality I was just killing myself and hurting those who loved me.
I made a choice; I chose recovery. That meant talking about it, seeking out a therapist, a psychiatrist, a nutritionist, and being open with my family and friends. That meant making the decision every day to eat, to fuel my body, to take care of my soul. There is no such thing as “not sick enough.” You can get help now before it turns into something severe. Early prevention is possible. Recovery is possible. I do see being “recovered” as my new reality. I still have a lot of work to do and as of now recovery will remain my friend. But one day I will be able to say that disordered eating is in the past and that is where it will stay.
-By Ayanna Bates: Author, writer, blogger, motivational speaker from NY

Why Choose Recovery? Why Choose Therapy?


It is mental health awareness month; the time where we spread education of mental health, to lower the stigma of mental illness, and to help those that are struggling. Today I want to lower the stigma of seeing a therapy and spread the understanding that therapy is nothing to be ashamed of.

What is therapy and how can it help you? Therapy is a place that you can go to seek professional help for mental health issues or life problems such as grief and relationship issues or just general life dilemmas. If you ever stopped and asked yourself, “should I start therapy?” then it is probably time to seek a therapist.

What does therapy mean to me and towards my recovery? Therapy to me means a safe place, non-judgmental, comfort, and resolve. I go to therapy because I know it is the best thing for me and recovery. Because I know I need a little extra help now and then. Because recovery is about making the effort to get better. Therapy is beneficial to me and my mental health, that is what is important.

How do you find the right therapist? You can find the right therapist by first checking out cheap options. If you are in school, you should be able to seek out the counseling center on your campus. Next, check if you have insurance and what low cost options can you receive with that insurance. Lastly, see if there is a medical school close to you and see what their prices are to see an intern or resident.

There are so many options out there for you. If you or someone you know is suffering, please be encouraged to get the help that is needed. Therapy is nothing to be ashamed of and can truly change your life, I know that has changed mine.

-By Ayanna Bates: Author, writer, blogger, motivational speaker from NY